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The complete library of the original writing prompts written by The Fake Redhead
“You must have seen some weird things living near a liminal space.” “You have no idea.”
“Tell her to stop feeding everyone.” “I can’t. It’s part of her DNA.”
“How are you feeling?” “Well, my eyebrows don’t hurt.”
“Okay, what did I do?” “What do you mean?” “You look like you want to rip my head off.” “Sorry, that’s just how my face works.”
“How do you remember that? You were very unconscious at the time.”
“My kitchen smells like death.”
“Can you please stop trying to ruin my reputation in front of all my colleagues.” “Of course. I can limit it to half.”
“We’re so on vacation it’s not even funny. Only call if the world is about to end.”
“What could be bad? You’re alive, uninjured, and not technically our prisoner.”
“Why do people think I’m good at diplomacy? Does no one remember that time I started a war? Or the other time I started a war?”
“How are you feeling?” “I think you broke my fingers.” “Better your fingers than your face.”
“How many people did you tell?” “Basically everyone.”
“Oh, you’re still alive.” “Don’t sound so disappointed, I might think you don’t like me.”
“Not to be the bearer of bad realities, but don’t you realize that this is insane?”
“Why are you doing that?” “Doing what?” “Treating me like a person.”
“That’s not cooking, that’s sorcery.”
“I really don’t understand mayonnaise.”
“Why is this alias such a jerk?” “Who ever said it was an alias?”
“Do you sleep anymore?” “I scheduled a nap for a week from next Tuesday.”
“That’s not a happy story.” “Well I don’t live a happy life.”
“Sitting around, waiting to get kidnapped. This is the best day ever.”
“I already did my part. If you need anything, ask anyone but me.”
“If you tell me, again that we can’t do this, I’m going to kick you somewhere you’re not going to enjoy.”
“What do you think?” “It tastes like paint thinner and bad decisions.” “Prefect!”
“Really? A farm?” “Don’t judge me, I like the quiet.”
“Surprise! I’m back from the dead! Isn’t that exciting?”
“You sir, need to calm the hell down. You’re at a fifteen and I need you at like, a seven.”
“You’re being grounded.” “For what?” “Not taking the shot.” “Seriously? That mission was a year ago.” “And you’ve been grounded. For a week. You’re welcome.”
“Can people PLEASE stop boarding my ship without my authorization?”
“Would a bag full of explosives help?” “Help? Why didn’t you tell us about them hours ago?”
“Unfortunately, my aesthetic is more ‘idiot’ than it is ‘attractive member of the male gender’. I have so much better taste in women.”
“Why do the eggs have legs?”
“Ignoring everyone in the room is my favorite part of this tradition.”
“If I bring him what he wants, he’ll probably adopt me. Or shoot me. But probably the first one.”
“I see you have better things to do.” “Yes. One thing, specifically.”
“Why are you calling me from the bathroom?” “The cat hopped on my lap and fell asleep. I’m trapped on the toilet.”
“Are you happy here?” “Of course I am! I’ve never been more popular.”
“Here’s the thing: those missing children-“ “What about them, did you find them?” “They’re CIA agents.”
“How did it go?” “Well, we didn’t piss off any hostile alien forces, so I’d call the mission a success.” “Maybe we won’t mention that first part to the press.”
“Who should we go to? Admiral Follows All The Rules, or Admiral Let’s Start A War?” “Unfortunately, I think we need both.”
“Sorry, I have a clingy and feverish assassin on my lap. I’ll call you back when I’ve convinced him that a cold doesn’t mean he’s dying.”
“Why are there WEAPONS in my bathroom?”
“Breaking news: twenty-two year old man has blister.” “It matters because it’s baseball!” “That doesn’t mean it’s not funny.”
“Can we detour into a universe that isn’t built off the backs of everyone’s dead mothers?”
“You know it’s July, right?” “I don’t let the weather dictate my sartorial choices.”
“You landed a helicopter on my front lawn. It’s safe to say my neighbors already know something’s wrong.”
“Don’t be nervous, it’s just dirt.” “That’s not dirt.”
“Is there anything that DOESN’T scare you?” “Well, I don’t mind cats.”
“You can’t hold me accountable for the things I say when I’m not sober.” “Oh, you bet I can!”
“You guys realize how incredibly codependent you are, right?” “So?”
“If it floats, does that mean it’s a witch?” “This isn’t Salem, so no.”
“This is the fanciest storage room I’ve ever seen.”
“Have you ever heard of the word ‘compromise’?” “No. What does it mean?”
I don’t want to look like a princess, I want to look like a formerly evil queen who reluctantly redeemed herself for the side of good.” “You read too much.” “Damn right I do.”
“This is what, the third time I’ve crashed my own funeral?” “Fifth.” “Really? That many?”
“Come in to my office so I can explain in painstaking detail how much of a dumbass you are.” “Do I have a choice?” “No.”
“Why are there two of you?” “He’s my twin brother.” “No, that doesn’t make any sense. What’s the real reason?”
“Not all of us can just leave the war and buy a bar in the country.” “You can if you fake your death first.”
“How was your day?” “Fine. I may or may not have met a ghost.”
“What are you doing here?” “We’re here to help.” “You’re all supposed to be dead.” “And yet here we are.”
“Only come back if you have backup. Or a burger. I’m starving. Actually, burger THEN backup. Yeah do that.”
“I’m not getting into a screaming match with you in public, again!” “Too late!”
“I don’t get sick. That’s one of the many reasons why robots are better than people.”
“You need to stop running sometime.” “But I’m so good at it.”
“We were trying to be sneaky!” “I’m a writer. I saw this coming from a mile away.”
“Are you satisfied with your current coffee table?”
“What’s more relaxing than setting something on fire?” “A lot of things!”
“Your names aren’t as fun to say, so you’re going to have to live with that.” “We didn’t have much say in the matter.” “That’s unfortunate.”
“Even the winged rats look nicer in Europe.”
“I will say she looks a lot better than she did during her crypt keeper phase.”
“At least we like each other.” “Suffering together is much better than suffering alone.”
“You going partying tonight?” “I’m going home and taking my pants off, that’s a party in and of itself.”
“I can’t believe you made me ugly-cry on television.”
“I’m just going to aggressively ignore that part of my life until it goes away.” “That’s definitely not going to work.”
“The distressed furniture aesthetic perfectly matches my personality.”
“While your marriage is only recognized on three planets and half of that weird nebula we flew through once, you two are still the most married people I know.”
“Did you bring us here to die?” “Obviously.” “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”
“Can we skip ahead to the part where you save the day and I get to, I don’t know, swoon?”
“I have a solution.” “Thank goodness.” “It involves fire.” “Absolutely not.”
“You really need to do a better job at putting the ‘secret’ in secret military installation.”
“You really need to do a better job at putting the ‘secret’ in secret military installation.”
“I had to pull my head out of my own ass to see how far you two have shoved your heads up yours.”
“Next time the galaxy loses its mind, count me out.”
“What am I supposed to do with a teenage girl?” “Why are you asking me?” “You were a teenage girl once!” “And I blocked the experience from my me memory!”
“You know you’re my favorite, right?” “I better be.”
“It’s charming!” “It’s probably haunted and we’re all going to die.”
“I don’t believe in upper cabinets.”
“I have to take credit for this.” “I think you mean ‘blame’.”
“It’s going to be so awkward.” “Just find a hot pirate to hit on to pass the time.”
“Why do you have such an angry face?” “I started thinking about how horrible that ex-boyfriend of yours is.”
“A bunch of talking purses can’t convince me to fly on the world’s worst discount airline.”
“I was hoping for a house. “You’re going to need a lot more than hope to be able to afford a house in this neighborhood. Specifically, a lot more money.”
“I’m not suggesting that it would be good to talk about this, but it would be good to talk about this.”
“I know better than to leave a child with my legacy.”
“Sorry I couldn’t text you something more coherent, a small child was kicking my butt at Connect Four.”
“Finally home. I wish I had someone to cook me dinner.” “Oh my god, what if you had like, a husband or something?” “Are you being sarcastic?” “Yes. Call your man, get him off his ass and make him live up to his vows.”
“The entire family is going to kill us. I am so excited.”
“I’m pretty sure the walls aren’t supposed to move like that.”
“Chasing ghosts is a bad idea.”
“Trust me, I was an extremely irritating child.”
“The cake needed a little something extra.” “So you wanted to make it explode?”
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