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The complete library of the original writing prompts written by The Fake Redhead
“You say ‘potato’, I say ‘damn it, put the ray-gun down’!”
“All I’m saying, is that if you blow up the house, you’re going to be so fired.”
Yes, but last week a dragon almost set my hair on fire, so it’s your turn to negotiate.”
“Look, I’m sorry I missed your inauguration, but I was stuck in 1754.” “You still should have called.” “I didn’t have cell service!” “So?”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You know what they say, ‘panicking burns a shit-ton of calories’.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”
“My boss came into work wearing a T-Rex costume, and the day just got worse from there.”
“Are you…crying?” “No! I’m having an allergic reaction to the Capitol One commercial with Jennifer Garner and her dad.”
“What the heck is that?!” “My cat.” “Cats don’t have eight legs!”
“But why is his brain green?”
“I’m going to need chicken blood, salt, five candles, and a bottle of vodka.” “Vodka? For the spell?” “No, that’s just to make me feel better about ripping a hole in the universe.”
You always think you know what you’d do when faced with the end of the world. Me? I just went home and took a nap.
“It’s so…white.” “It’s snow.” “I grew up in the desert, I don’t know what weather is, let alone snow.”
“But why is the moon gone?”
“Just calm down.” “My leg just dematerialized and you want me to calm down!?”
“This plan of yours is going to get us killed. Of course I’m in.”
It’s just that he has a great reading voice. If she could get away with sitting in on story time with all the little six year olds, she would in a heartbeat.
“I still want to know how you managed to get the car on the roof.” “I can’t reveal all my tricks.”
“I’m not going to help you take over the world. No, not even if you try to bribe me with cookies.”
“When you wake up, you must give me the message.” “Wait, what message?” “That I was never me.”
“Did you open the package?” “Yes.” “That was your first mistake.”
“Tell me, what was it like to die?” “What the hell are you talking about?” “You don’t remember?”
“The only thing scarier than the unknown is me.”
“Woe is me.” “No, woe is ME for having to keep up with this farce.”
“What’s the word for that infestation of tiny creatures over there?” “Those are children. That’s a school.”
“Hey man, nice tattoo.” “I don’t have a tattoo.” “Okay, how drunk were you last night?”
“Oh, look at all the pretties!” “Can you please stop talking about assault rifles the same way you talk about shoes?”
“If I go through with this, I die. If I don’t go through with this, we all die.”
“Can someone tell me why this coffee tastes like apples?”
“The surgery was easy. Life after the surgery? Torture.”
You’re standing in front of a wall. How do you get over it? What’s on the other side?
You come upon God and the Devil having a conversation. Where are they and what are they talking about?
Your best friend passes away and is assigned as your guardian angel. One problem: they’re terrible at their job.
“No, no, you do NOT want me navigating, I’ll accidentally navigate us off a cliff.”
It all started when I opened a glitter bomb during my 9 a.m. lecture. An hour later, I found my boyfriend’s dead body in the middle of the quad.
“Just, take a deep breath or something!” “TAKE A DEEP BREATH!? It feels like my insides are being RIPPED OUT!”
“What’s our exit strategy?” “Our what?” “Oh my god, we’re all going to die.”
“Oh my god, I had the exact same dream!” “Really?” “No.”
“We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?” “Actually, it’s more like eight.” “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”
“You can’t sit with us.” “Really? They have cliques in heaven?”
The first circle of hell has a day spa. The second has racquet ball courts.
“You don’t get to pin this break-in on me.” “But you were the one who broke in!”
Your character wakes up multiple times a week with unexplainable bruises on their arms and legs. The day they graduate from college, an agent of the CIA approaches them and introduces them to Project Nightlight.
On the eve of your character’s 19th birthday, they’re approached by their previous-unknown identical twin. They need your character’s help, to execute a hit.
“And in closing, congratulations for finding someone who you think you can put up with for the rest of your life.” “This is going to be worst Maid of Honor speech in the history of the written word.”
“Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”
“This is all your fault.” “I hope so.”
“I’d rather be pecked to death by a flock of hummingbirds.”
“You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”
“I don’t know what the protocol is for revealing your secret identity so, hi? Surprise?”
“A is for organization.” “According to WHAT alphabet?”
“Oh no.” “What is it? What happened? Who died?” “I think I just felt an emotion.” “You have GOT to be kidding me.”
Your protagonist and antagonist are forced to team up when the antagonist’s enemy returns and is planning to destroy the world.
I started my morning with my usual cup of coffee and existential crisis. Then the bomb went off.
To say the wedding wasn’t going as planned was the understatement of the century.
“Excuse me! I was a superhero for ten whole minutes!” “And in that time you got kidnapped and we had to come to the rescue.”
“Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”
“Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. And neither do you.”
“I am way too sober for this.”
“Will you be quiet?” “I didn’t say anything?” “Well stop thinking so loud!”
“What the hell kind of noise was that?” “I sneezed.” “That was NOT a sneeze.”
“You sounded like you thought you were being stabbed in the back, but then realized it was just a plastic fork.” “I was jumpy, we almost died!”
“Honestly, this is all beneath me, creatively.” “We’re making prom decorations. Creatively, it’s beneath all of us.”
“Well at least I’m not referenced in this prophecy by way of a pigeon metaphor.”
“If I start leaking blood from my eyeballs, I am going to come back and haunt you so hard.”
“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.”
“This isn’t a lab, this is my home! You must be confused!”
“Thank you.” “For what?” “Not being a product of my psychosis.”
Your character stares into the abyss. What do they see?
“People here seem to think that rain is the signal of the next apocalypse.” “Where is ‘here’ exactly?” “Los Angeles.”
“Why aren’t you afraid of me?” “Seriously? I have worse nightmares about failing AP Chem.”
“Creepy flashy lights in the basement? That’s some horror movie shit right there.”
“You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”
“I don’t know if you are aware of this, but I am quite petite.” “Really? I had no idea in our twelve years of companionship that you are shorter than I am.”
“Nice to see you.” “Yes, I know, I got fat.”
“Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”
“Why do people keep trying to put this blanket on me?” “Because you’re in shock.” “That doesn’t mean I need a blanket. It means I need booze.”
“I just Googled what chickens look like without feathers and I am severely uncomfortable.”
“How drunk were you last night?” “Well, I still have my pants on, so not that drunk?” “Those aren’t your pants.”
“A Venn diagram of my enemies and my allies would be a circle.”
“You have to had read about bomb disposal once.” “And you think I can just bring up the memory at the drop of a hat?” “It’s not like you can’t.”
“You know, no one bothered me this much when I was dead.”
Your character, a superhero, is sitting in the kitchen when his partner comes in, their arch nemesis willingly in tow. When the superhero asks what the heck is going on, the partner replies, “I won him in a poker game.”
“How could I not see it?” “You did see it, but you married me anyway.”
“Today’s just a light recon day.” “Then why are you carrying five pounds of explosives?” “I want to be prepared.”
“It’s not your fault I married a cheating bastard.” “I’m literally your husband’s mistress.” “So?”
“Why are your hands purple?” “That’s a very good question.”
“How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”
“That’s disgusting. You’re lucky you’re cute.”
“Did you just… agree with me?” “Oh I wish I could take-“ “Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”
“I can take a break from editing to scrub your hands for a few minutes.”
“What the hell? I retired for five minutes and you let the entire universe go to shit!”
“Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”
“Well SOMEONE thought it would be a great idea to throw our backup plan off a bridge.” “It was on FIRE!”
“Oh, you were the one who had fish in her hair.” “Wow. You really know how to flatter a girl.”
“I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”
“I’d like to see you figure out the difference between blood and marinara sauce.”
“I’ve never met a hyperbole I didn’t like.” “I know.” “You do? “You spent the last hour shouting to the rooftops about how we’re out of soup.”
“Why are you glaring at me?” “I’m hoping you’ll spontaneously combust.”
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