“You know what they say, ‘panicking burns a shit-ton of calories’.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”
“My boss came into work wearing a T-Rex costume, and the day just got worse from there.”
“Are you…crying?” “No! I’m having an allergic reaction to the Capitol One commercial with Jennifer Garner and her dad.”
“What the heck is that?!” “My cat.” “Cats don’t have eight legs!”
“But why is his brain green?”
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