“Dear Diary, Life as we know it has been forever changed. I just realized I’m in love with my best friend. This is the worst day ever.”
“Karate chopping pillows is something we learn in Interior Design 101.”
I come home from work and you set the spare couch on fire and built a kegerator in the living room?” “Uh, yes?” “Why didn’t you wait for me to come home first?”
“You know you’re in love with her, right?” “Since when?” “Since pretty much always. That’s why I’m breaking up with you.”
“You got married to spite your parents?”
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